by “Stick out your tongue. Hmmm, very red,” said Sally, my no-nonsense acupuncturist. Healthy tongues are pink, red is a sign of too much inflammation. Furthermore, my yin and yang were out of whack. “In menopause, your feminine energy is low, so your body can hold heat and you can feel hot flashes, you can feel moody and uncomfortable because your body is not balanced.”
Moments later I was covered in needles and a bundle of herbs was burning on my belly, sending up columns of smoke. Were they saying, “HELP ME!”? It would make sense, but it was moxibustion, meant to remove heat and aid detoxification.
The mysterious methods of Chinese medicine were beyond my understanding, but I couldn’t argue with Sally’s assessment. Yo had you have felt in a bad mood, tired, unbalanced; or as some (my boyfriend for starters) might say: grumpy.
Sleeping had become something I used to do in some past life and my belly was a bubbling cauldron of anxiety. I tried lavender oil, weighted blankets, probiotic yogurt drinks, and HRT patches. Nothing worked. But now, finally, she could outsource the problem, because she had come for the new Radiant Bliss women’s wellness program at the famous Thai spa retreat Kamalaya, and she had not only Sally, but a legion of world-class experts. working tirelessly to rebalance my yin and yang and help me get through the ups and downs of the menopause rollercoaster.
There couldn’t be a nicer place to feel menopausal. Kamalaya is built on a sacred hill and its grounds are dotted with Buddhist and Hindu temples; There’s even a monk’s meditation cave filled with offerings, and you’re never far from the soothing sound of running water. Thatched Thai-style villas and pavilions disappear into a lush jungle garden of ferns, bananas and giant rocks. At night it is illuminated by lanterns trailing Spanish moss. Wherever you go, the yellow-clad staff lights up and greets you with a smile and a bow, hands folded as if praying, “Sah-wah-dee kah.”
I had arrived at this island paradise on the quiet south side of Koh Samui, Thailand, two days earlier and was immediately drawn into Kamalaya’s warm embrace with a flurry of cold essential oil towels and a refreshing drink of pea juice; They had already anticipated my every need and that was before I even met Tara, my personal wellness coach and naturopath.
Tara swooped in like Mary Poppins to the rescue, tailoring the program to my needs. My goals, we set, were to address my gut and hormonal issues, get a good night’s sleep, and if they could help me get back into my favorite pants, all the better.
The mood briefly turned somber when Tara gave me the results of my bioimpedance analysis, which measures body composition. She had gained six kilos in as many months and at 0.82 my waist-to-hip ratio was reaching the danger zone, which could leave me prone to cancer and heart disease. That’s another big advantage of menopause: As estrogen declines, women tend to lose muscle and gain fat, while digestion slows, which can lead to intestinal problems, such as increased gas and constipation. No wonder we feel in a bad mood. The stress added to my problems.
“That could be the reason why your body is retaining fat right now. But is not also bad,” Tara said cheerfully, as she handed me my evaluation. “I usually write long lists of recommendations.” I tried my best not to cry when he prescribed me the ideal weight program. I had heard that the food in Kamalaya was divine and I was in no mood for a starvation diet but, like all the best guardian angels, Tara was sweet but firm. She continued writing what seemed suspiciously very a lot like a long list of recommendations, putting a big cross in the daily holistic schedule along with pranayama (breathing) and yoga. “You need to focus on these activities to reduce stress hormones.”
And so my rehabilitation began, the days beginning with a glass of warm water and lemon juice and the chorus of birds on my balcony. At 7:45 I headed to the outdoor yoga pavilion among the cluster of fitness rooms. It was here, looking out over the lush, jungle-fringed coastline, that I learned to breathe, to really breathe. Breathing is serious business in Kamalaya, they have an entire hall dedicated to it (the Prana Pavilion). I learned the different ways we can use our breathing to calm the mind and energize the body. I even had a one-on-one pranayama breathing lesson with my life mentor, Praveena.
If Tara was the guardian angel of my body, Praveena was the guardian of my soul. A former monk for 23 years and a trained psychotherapist with bright eyes, she had an uncanny ability to get right to the heart of any problem and gave me wise, easy-to-follow advice.
For the treatments, which were two or three a day, I headed to the outdoor Wellness Reception; This is the spa’s machine room, with the treatment rooms staggered uphill. At first, I felt like I was climbing Everest while following my therapist, but the journey was always worth it.
My program started with a foot bath and massage, to help me sleep and compensate for jet lag, and oh my goodness, what a dream it was. Similarly, Chi Nei Tsang (internal organ massage) was a revelation as my therapist, Yu, undid the knots buried deep in my gut. Afterwards, I suddenly felt nauseous, as if several rounds of tequila that had been there since the 1980s had been washed away. The removal process was quick and dramatic, but I soon felt lighter and more clear-headed. Repeating the same treatment three days later, my gut was noticeably less sensitive and the hand massage that followed was possibly the best time of my life.
Tara explained that the treatments are designed to complement each other. “We start by relaxing and grounding you, then we work on the physical, mental and emotional.” The program alternates between Western functional medicine, with naturopathy, vitamin supplements and intravenous infusions, and traditional medicine that works to restore balance to the five elements (water, wood, fire, earth and metal). So one moment I was hooked up to a drip that increased my magnesium for better sleep, and the next flames were flickering in my belly in an ancient Thai herbal medicine treatment to improve digestion.
Even the Ideal Weight menu was a pleasant surprise and far from the difficulties I had imagined. During breakfast at the open-air Soma restaurant, overlooking treetops filled with dancing butterflies, I could help myself to tropical fruits, detoxifying muesli, a splendid salad bar, and order eggs (for extra protein). At lunchtime we headed to a private “dining room” at Amrita Cafe (Sanskrit for “divine nectar”), overlooking the beautiful blue-green pool and beach, for Detox Som Tam green papaya salad. and add a “protein portion” of prawns. , chicken breast, squid or even ostrich. Tara had encouraged me to eat these extra options at every meal if she could, since our bodies need more protein in middle age.
Throughout the week I met an incredible variety of people, and one of the favorite topics at the soup kitchen table was the pros and cons of different wellness centers. I learned that some spas encourage you to chew like a cow, while laughing at dinner is strictly prohibited. Others will startle you out of bed and take you to the mountains at dawn. Then there are those who convince you that you need to spend thousands of pounds on a cosmetic “upgrade”. I’m sure it all works for some, but Kamalaya’s soft and gentle parenting spirit is perhaps the one that people respond best to. It is certainly a good place to go if you have felt battered by life and need to recover.
It’s no surprise to learn that 40 percent of guests are repeat customers. They often arrive to lose weight, but leave changed on a deeper level. I lost five pounds in a week, but there were definitely deeper changes. My sleep had improved and even my tongue had lost its fur, a sign that my digestive system had perked up. Tara told me that she saw me looking rosy. It’s a cliché to say I felt refreshed, but I did. I came away feeling like I’d had a good vacation and revived my spirit in the process.
Essentials
The Radiant Bliss program at Kamalaya Koh Samui (00 66 7742 9800) starts from £2,850 for eight nights. This includes all treatments and three meals a day. Accommodation is booked separately and starts from £150 per night.
British Airways, EVA Air and Thai Airways offer direct flights from the UK to Bangkok; from £661 return. From Bangkok, you can fly to Samui International Airport with EVA Air from £100 return.
Read the full Kamalaya review
